o p e n p o s t.

[chardismastic]

( x )

Comments

[chardismastic]

and please

come at me and i'll break your hip, old man

[libertalia]

( old man?????? what does he look like, sullivan??? )

jesus ok easy there whippersnapper my pride is broken enough already

but remember you bought me this phone rafe where is your sense of responsibility

( is he being obtuse on purpose just to piss rafe off? probably. )

[chardismastic]

my responsibility as far as you stops right above the belt

[ when DOESN'T Sam do shit on purpose to piss Rafe off, tbh ]

but you're right, clearly i should just stop paying your phone bill thanks for the tip

[libertalia]

( for a brief instant he almost considers not being a jackass for once but then who would he be. )

i think you mean heads up

( look, shitty humor is the only way to marginalize how fucking mortifying this shit actually is and that's just where he's at right now. he can't even be bothered to care about the phone bill. )

[chardismastic]

[ you motherfuc— ]

yeah, that's it, i'm shutting off your internet

no more pornhub or candy crush for you

[libertalia]

oh no..... not the internet.....

i know this might be shocking to you rafe but i can live without instant gratification

[chardismastic]

[ yeah, guess who's waiting to send this approximated twenty seconds before finalizing the cutoff for Sam's line :') ]

sure thing, buddy

1/ilu just gimme a minute

[libertalia]

( huh, weird. it's like he's not getting any service. wonder what that could mean. )



( he tries sending a few more messages to other people in case for some reason it's just rafe, but they all give him the same Not Delivered. well. )

[libertalia]

( okay, fine. that's fine. he said what he said. but, you know what, two can play at this game, because no phone service just means sam is going to have to get creative in his efforts to piss rafe off. and there are other forms of communication than text. he's gonna have to get old school.

so, when rafe least expects it, he'll find sticky notes left around the house with very important messages on them. it is absolutely crucial that he reads these. it could make or break this entire quest. )

[libertalia]

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[libertalia]

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[libertalia]

LAND HO 😘

[libertalia]

[chardismastic]

[ Sam wants to go old school? okay. Rafe can do old school.

takes a little bit of extra time, a quick run to Walgreens's instant photo kiosk, but it's worth it because after he collects all these stupid ass dipshit pirate pun post-its? Rafe tapes up a picture of said post-its. ]

[libertalia]

( now that's just mean. that's quality material you just threw away, rafe. but what is a petty photo if not something for sam to write directly on. )

[chardismastic]

[ what is a petty photo that's been written directly on but a paper airplane in the making for Rafe to then physically toss at Sam's shitty receding hairline as he surfs through cable channels. ]

[libertalia]

( he never thought he'd say there are too many goddamn channels, but there are honestly too many. goddamn. channels. at the moment, he's somewhere in the telemundo lineup when the pointy end of rafe's makeshift projectile pokes him right in the head. he tears his attention away from whatever telenovela he happened to stop on to glance in the direction of what he now sees is a paper airplane made out of rafe's stupid photo of sam's sticky notes. )

Really? ( he picks up the airplane and tosses it back in rafe's direction. ) Thought you'd do better than that.

( to be honest, he was sort of expecting something much more extravagantly petty, so this almost feels like a win. )

[chardismastic]

I don't have to do better,

[ Rafe counters as he snatches the plane out of the air with one hand. ]

Your phone's still off. You can scrape the entire Pacific Northwest to make your post-its for all the good they'll do you.

[libertalia]

( rafe makes a fair point, but also ... )

Well, hey, now I got plenty of time to pursue my other passions. No phone, no distractions, right? ( aside from cable, but only when something good's on. he lifts a shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. ) Post-it comedian, maybe not in my future. But, you know, I've always thought about picking up the bagpipe.

( there's a 50/50 chance he's joking ... in this case, leaning heavily toward the half that's serious just to annoy the shit out of rafe with bad bagpipe wailing. )

[chardismastic]

[ yes, because bagpipes are clearly such a curse. not like he's spent most of the past decade in literal Scotland to become inured to that exact thing.

hence why Rafe doesn't blink at the threat, just nods thoughtfully along as if Sam's had a truly solid idea there. ]

Viable career path. Especially since, you know, it seems like the kind of work you're suited for: getting your lips around something and just blow.

[ because sure, Rafe's sucked off more than a few without batting a gag reflex but Sam oozes that outdated and ridiculous fragile machismo to make a joke like this perfectly low-hanging fruit. ]

[libertalia]

( oh, yeah, it's a real knee-slapper alright. can you see how hard he's laughing, he's practically falling off the couch from the force of how fast his face falls, his jaw setting irritably.

he knows he shouldn't engage, because this is just the kind of shit rafe says to get under his skin, but ... boy does it always work. he does at least attempt to ignore it for about two seconds while he mashes the channel up button on the remote, hoping for something distracting enough on tv, only to be rewarded with the home shopping network, which is about as lifeless as it gets. who the hell needs any of this shit? )

That's real rich coming from you. ( he says, gesturing pointedly with the remote at the man who has a skincare routine. ) You wanna call me queer, you might wanna look in the mirror first.

( which is not his wittiest or most intelligent comeback, but you know what. fuck you. )