( okay, fine. that's fine. he said what he said. but, you know what, two can play at this game, because no phone service just means sam is going to have to get creative in his efforts to piss rafe off. and there are other forms of communication than text. he's gonna have to get old school.
so, when rafe least expects it, he'll find sticky notes left around the house with very important messages on them. it is absolutely crucial that he reads these. it could make or break this entire quest. )
[ Sam wants to go old school? okay. Rafe can do old school.
takes a little bit of extra time, a quick run to Walgreens's instant photo kiosk, but it's worth it because after he collects all these stupid ass dipshit pirate pun post-its? Rafe tapes up a picture of said post-its. ]
[ what is a petty photo that's been written directly on but a paper airplane in the making for Rafe to then physically toss at Sam's shitty receding hairline as he surfs through cable channels. ]
( he never thought he'd say there are too many goddamn channels, but there are honestly too many. goddamn. channels. at the moment, he's somewhere in the telemundo lineup when the pointy end of rafe's makeshift projectile pokes him right in the head. he tears his attention away from whatever telenovela he happened to stop on to glance in the direction of what he now sees is a paper airplane made out of rafe's stupid photo of sam's sticky notes. )
Really? ( he picks up the airplane and tosses it back in rafe's direction. ) Thought you'd do better than that.
( to be honest, he was sort of expecting something much more extravagantly petty, so this almost feels like a win. )
Well, hey, now I got plenty of time to pursue my other passions. No phone, no distractions, right? ( aside from cable, but only when something good's on. he lifts a shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. ) Post-it comedian, maybe not in my future. But, you know, I've always thought about picking up the bagpipe.
( there's a 50/50 chance he's joking ... in this case, leaning heavily toward the half that's serious just to annoy the shit out of rafe with bad bagpipe wailing. )
Edited (i swear i know how english works) 2021-03-31 04:21 (UTC)
[ yes, because bagpipes are clearly such a curse. not like he's spent most of the past decade in literal Scotland to become inured to that exact thing.
hence why Rafe doesn't blink at the threat, just nods thoughtfully along as if Sam's had a truly solid idea there. ]
Viable career path. Especially since, you know, it seems like the kind of work you're suited for: getting your lips around something and just blow.
[ because sure, Rafe's sucked off more than a few without batting a gag reflex but Sam oozes that outdated and ridiculous fragile machismo to make a joke like this perfectly low-hanging fruit. ]
( oh, yeah, it's a real knee-slapper alright. can you see how hard he's laughing, he's practically falling off the couch from the force of how fast his face falls, his jaw setting irritably.
he knows he shouldn't engage, because this is just the kind of shit rafe says to get under his skin, but ... boy does it always work. he does at least attempt to ignore it for about two seconds while he mashes the channel up button on the remote, hoping for something distracting enough on tv, only to be rewarded with the home shopping network, which is about as lifeless as it gets. who the hell needs any of this shit? )
That's real rich coming from you. ( he says, gesturing pointedly with the remote at the man who has a skincare routine. ) You wanna call me queer, you might wanna look in the mirror first.
( which is not his wittiest or most intelligent comeback, but you know what. fuck you. )
[ fuck him? nah. not in a million years for all the pirate gold this side of Nassau. ]
I'm perfectly aware of what I am, [ he answers, as blithe as Sam is bothered. ] And I've zero problem with any of the various things I've put in my mouth.
[ or with having a skincare routine, which if Sam lives long enough he'll come to regret not having. nicotine's a bitch like that. ]
It doesn't — ( yeah, no, he can't even finish that sentence because it's that much of a boldfaced lie it would be embarrassing to even try. ) No, you know what, you're right. ( which is probably the only time he's ever going to admit that. ) I just don't see what's so appealing about putting a dick in your mouth.
( ... which might sound like an invitation to tell him exactly what is so appealing. uh. wait. )
For the love of God, please do not enlighten me.
Edited (the power of christ compelled me) 2021-04-29 06:33 (UTC)
[ Sam needn't have worried— the most Rafe had in mind even before the warning was a silently scathing eyebrow, but the backpedaling is hilarious to watch. definitely better entertainment than a couple of middle-aged women with badly done highlights discussing the joys of an air fryer. ]
Same appeal as eating somebody out. No real difference to it.
[ a sidelong glance and onto the important question here. ] You're not watching this, right? [ because if he is, Rafe is about to fistfight him to get control of the remote. ]
Uh, I'd say the difference is one involves a dick. But, sure, if you love choking, suck all the dicks you want.
( there's a certain finesse to eating pussy. no choking hazards involved.
anyway, no, he's not watching what's on, but he's also not about to give up the remote anytime soon. pointedly, he flips through about 20 channels until a familiar field and familiar uniforms grace the screen. he sits up a little straighter, attention fully on the sport playing out in front of him. he hasn't really paid much attention to baseball in a long time for obvious reasons, but it is right around world series time and — )
Holy shit, the Sox made it to the World Series?
( as far as he's aware, they haven't been since 1986 — and haven't won since 1918 — so he'll sure be fucking surprised to find out they've won two world series titles in the time he was in prison. )
Okay, first of all— [ at least Sam's changing channels, that's some progress. ] It's like doing a keg-stand or chugging booze, you can learn to relax those muscles but even without, if you do it right? You don't choke. But the point is, oral is oral, man. The logic behind doing it doesn't change on what the other person's got below the belt.
[ ...then again, maybe Sam isn't an oral guy at all. the act is one of present investment for future payoff and Rafe can't exactly see Sam as being that patient or generous.
thankfully, sports is here to distract him from further considering how Sam Drake possibly conducts himself in the bedroom. ew. ]
Did they? Huh. That time of year again, I guess. [ this is not a guy who super follows the game, the Sox winning in 2004 was a big enough deal that even he noticed so he recognizes the Cardinals alongside the Sox. ] Guess they're looking for a repeat performance.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
chardismastic) wrote2016-08-08 05:33 pm
no subject
i know this might be shocking to you rafe but i can live without instant gratification
no subject
sure thing, buddy
1/ilu just gimme a minute
( he tries sending a few more messages to other people in case for some reason it's just rafe, but they all give him the same Not Delivered. well. )
no subject
so, when rafe least expects it, he'll find sticky notes left around the house with very important messages on them. it is absolutely crucial that he reads these. it could make or break this entire quest. )
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
LAND HO 😘
no subject
takes a little bit of extra time, a quick run to Walgreens's instant photo kiosk, but it's worth it because after he collects all these stupid ass dipshit pirate pun post-its? Rafe tapes up a picture of said post-its. ]
no subject
no subject
no subject
Really? ( he picks up the airplane and tosses it back in rafe's direction. ) Thought you'd do better than that.
( to be honest, he was sort of expecting something much more extravagantly petty, so this almost feels like a win. )
no subject
[ Rafe counters as he snatches the plane out of the air with one hand. ]
Your phone's still off. You can scrape the entire Pacific Northwest to make your post-its for all the good they'll do you.
no subject
Well, hey, now I got plenty of time to pursue my other passions. No phone, no distractions, right? ( aside from cable, but only when something good's on. he lifts a shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. ) Post-it comedian, maybe not in my future. But, you know, I've always thought about picking up the bagpipe.
( there's a 50/50 chance he's joking ... in this case, leaning heavily toward the half that's serious just to annoy the shit out of rafe with bad bagpipe wailing. )
no subject
hence why Rafe doesn't blink at the threat, just nods thoughtfully along as if Sam's had a truly solid idea there. ]
Viable career path. Especially since, you know, it seems like the kind of work you're suited for: getting your lips around something and just blow.
[ because sure, Rafe's sucked off more than a few without batting a gag reflex but Sam oozes that outdated and ridiculous fragile machismo to make a joke like this perfectly low-hanging fruit. ]
no subject
he knows he shouldn't engage, because this is just the kind of shit rafe says to get under his skin, but ... boy does it always work. he does at least attempt to ignore it for about two seconds while he mashes the channel up button on the remote, hoping for something distracting enough on tv, only to be rewarded with the home shopping network, which is about as lifeless as it gets. who the hell needs any of this shit? )
That's real rich coming from you. ( he says, gesturing pointedly with the remote at the man who has a skincare routine. ) You wanna call me queer, you might wanna look in the mirror first.
( which is not his wittiest or most intelligent comeback, but you know what. fuck you. )
no subject
I'm perfectly aware of what I am, [ he answers, as blithe as Sam is bothered. ] And I've zero problem with any of the various things I've put in my mouth.
[ or with having a skincare routine, which if Sam lives long enough he'll come to regret not having. nicotine's a bitch like that. ]
I just know it bugs the utter shit out of you so.
[ cue a beaming smile, just for Sam. ]
no subject
It doesn't — ( yeah, no, he can't even finish that sentence because it's that much of a boldfaced lie it would be embarrassing to even try. ) No, you know what, you're right. ( which is probably the only time he's ever going to admit that. ) I just don't see what's so appealing about putting a dick in your mouth.
( ... which might sound like an invitation to tell him exactly what is so appealing. uh. wait. )
For the love of God, please do not enlighten me.
no subject
Same appeal as eating somebody out. No real difference to it.
[ a sidelong glance and onto the important question here. ] You're not watching this, right? [ because if he is, Rafe is about to fistfight him to get control of the remote. ]
no subject
Uh, I'd say the difference is one involves a dick. But, sure, if you love choking, suck all the dicks you want.
( there's a certain finesse to eating pussy. no choking hazards involved.
anyway, no, he's not watching what's on, but he's also not about to give up the remote anytime soon. pointedly, he flips through about 20 channels until a familiar field and familiar uniforms grace the screen. he sits up a little straighter, attention fully on the sport playing out in front of him. he hasn't really paid much attention to baseball in a long time for obvious reasons, but it is right around world series time and — )
Holy shit, the Sox made it to the World Series?
( as far as he's aware, they haven't been since 1986 — and haven't won since 1918 — so he'll sure be fucking surprised to find out they've won two world series titles in the time he was in prison. )
no subject
[ ...then again, maybe Sam isn't an oral guy at all. the act is one of present investment for future payoff and Rafe can't exactly see Sam as being that patient or generous.
thankfully, sports is here to distract him from further considering how Sam Drake possibly conducts himself in the bedroom. ew. ]
Did they? Huh. That time of year again, I guess. [ this is not a guy who super follows the game, the Sox winning in 2004 was a big enough deal that even he noticed so he recognizes the Cardinals alongside the Sox. ] Guess they're looking for a repeat performance.
(no subject)
(no subject)