o p e n p o s t.

[chardismastic]

( x )

Comments

[chardismastic]

[ it's a good five minutes after the last text that Sam gets anything back. ]


























sorry
i had to take a minute to set up the speech-to-text feature

you know

because i'm fucking blind now

[libertalia]

( he still hasn't figured out how to delete this shit THANKS FOR NOTHING RAFE )

yeah and i just had a goddamn fucking heart attack

jesus christ i haven't felt this violated since prison showers

( maybe he's being a little dramatic but also rafe was never supposed to see that. )

[chardismastic]

[ because thAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS THAT'S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS ]

are you seriously telling me i'm supposed to feel sorry for YOU?

are you?

i'm having a tough time parsing that considering i'm the one sitting here with your shit dick now burned into my fucking brain

[libertalia]

( HE DOESN'T KNOW THAT!!! HE'S A MORON!!! )

yeah and when they find your body tomorrow morning i'll be en route to fucking tortuga to drink and forget

1/2

[chardismastic]

once again how the FUCK is this my fault

you're the one with fingers fatter than your dick that can't pick the right person out of your contacts

[chardismastic]

and please

come at me and i'll break your hip, old man

[libertalia]

( old man?????? what does he look like, sullivan??? )

jesus ok easy there whippersnapper my pride is broken enough already

but remember you bought me this phone rafe where is your sense of responsibility

( is he being obtuse on purpose just to piss rafe off? probably. )

[chardismastic]

my responsibility as far as you stops right above the belt

[ when DOESN'T Sam do shit on purpose to piss Rafe off, tbh ]

but you're right, clearly i should just stop paying your phone bill thanks for the tip

[libertalia]

( for a brief instant he almost considers not being a jackass for once but then who would he be. )

i think you mean heads up

( look, shitty humor is the only way to marginalize how fucking mortifying this shit actually is and that's just where he's at right now. he can't even be bothered to care about the phone bill. )

[chardismastic]

[ you motherfuc— ]

yeah, that's it, i'm shutting off your internet

no more pornhub or candy crush for you

[libertalia]

oh no..... not the internet.....

i know this might be shocking to you rafe but i can live without instant gratification

[chardismastic]

[ yeah, guess who's waiting to send this approximated twenty seconds before finalizing the cutoff for Sam's line :') ]

sure thing, buddy

1/ilu just gimme a minute

[libertalia]

( huh, weird. it's like he's not getting any service. wonder what that could mean. )



( he tries sending a few more messages to other people in case for some reason it's just rafe, but they all give him the same Not Delivered. well. )

[libertalia]

( okay, fine. that's fine. he said what he said. but, you know what, two can play at this game, because no phone service just means sam is going to have to get creative in his efforts to piss rafe off. and there are other forms of communication than text. he's gonna have to get old school.

so, when rafe least expects it, he'll find sticky notes left around the house with very important messages on them. it is absolutely crucial that he reads these. it could make or break this entire quest. )

[libertalia]

[libertalia]

[libertalia]

[libertalia]

[libertalia]

[libertalia]

[libertalia]

LAND HO 😘

[libertalia]

[chardismastic]

[ Sam wants to go old school? okay. Rafe can do old school.

takes a little bit of extra time, a quick run to Walgreens's instant photo kiosk, but it's worth it because after he collects all these stupid ass dipshit pirate pun post-its? Rafe tapes up a picture of said post-its. ]

[libertalia]

( now that's just mean. that's quality material you just threw away, rafe. but what is a petty photo if not something for sam to write directly on. )

[chardismastic]

[ what is a petty photo that's been written directly on but a paper airplane in the making for Rafe to then physically toss at Sam's shitty receding hairline as he surfs through cable channels. ]